Let’s fly.

Earlier this morning I was rummaging through my craft box for cards & envelopes, but got distracted when I found some of my previous journals; I forgot they were here with me! I chose to open up the last journal I finished and once I turned to the first page it read: “The AVENTure begins.” I knew I had to continue…

Around this time a year ago, the continuation of my discernment and my personal reflections on the beginning of Advent were journaled. Here I am again, in the process of discerning my vocation after this year of service is completed. It’s certainly not easy, even if this is my second time around seriously praying about my calling. Our life is full of constant discerning, and this morning I was greatly reminded of the attitude I must have when taking on the challenge to understand my calling from the Lord. Here is my first journal entry of last year’s Advent season (I seldom share journal entries on a public platform, so appreciate this opportunity because it may never happen again, haha.):

December 2, 2010

Yesterday was the first of, not just the month, but the year: the liturgical year! This marks the beginning of this new ADVENTure! I cannot seem to describe perfectly in words the love of God and the peace that has overtaken my heart in ways I have never experienced before. And with that, it excites me even more because of the season we are now in. Yes, it’s a season of giving and love, and family, but I also believe it is the time to reflect on the coming of our Savior and to pray for our hearts to be transformed into hearts of children. After all, Christmas was started by a Child…

 

One of the big realizations that the Lord revealed to me throughout my discernment was to envelop my heart with childlike charac-teristics… not childish – childlike. Though I may be growing older, I’m praying that I may be blessed with a heart of a child, to love, to see, to touch, and to have faith like a child would have in their parents, to see the simplicity of everything and everyone around me. To find great joy in the simplest of things. Innocence. Purity. Dependence on the Father, as Jesus was dependent on Mary and Joseph as a helpless baby. And of course, having nothing to worry about because of an unwavering trust in the Father. There is a lot we can learn from children, and from Jesus our Savior. So as I journey through this Advent season, I pray that the Lord will bless the eyes of my heart, to see and live life like a child.

 

“It is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself.”

- Charles Dickens

It’s nice to look back at my goals, struggles, and victories. In confidence I can say that if it weren’t for an attitude of childlike faith, I wouldn’t have taken that leap to do campus ministry. Night and day, I hope to remember how free it felt to be fully dependent on the Father. Warm memories of babysitting my nephew every day last year also come to mind. I am so grateful for these simple reminders and I pray that the continuation of this Adventure may be filled richly with blessings, and that it may move me further along in my journey to Him.

With hope,
Fatima

My job is such a tremendous blessing. I love the students. I love serving them. They teach me something new every day and constantly remind me, without saying a word, to be a better person than I was the day before.

Last night’s choir practice was so perfect, in the sense of working together. It was a rather big deal to me, especially after the little struggles we had to overcome these past few months! God is so good. You all know – I’m not that experienced when it comes to leading music, but by God’s grace, He gave me the capacity to minister to these students musically, and most importantly, spiritually, and to remind them how the two are entwined. They are so gifted! After practices, I also try to remind them of how blessed I am because of them. I help them, they help me, we help each other…and we get to sing and play music together for the sole purpose of worshipping God each Sunday for Mass. What a crazy journey this has been and a truly humbling experience at that.

This evening’s Advent Twilight Retreat (don’t worry – it had nothing to do with the saga) was the perfect ending to this week. The CCM House was packed to the max and our offices weren’t big enough for our small groups (oh the irony), but they went so well and I was so glad to listen to and learn from new people. The talks were spot-on and Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament ended the night perfectly. AND afterwards, several students came up to me, asking if we could have Adoration on campus more often! (The first student that told me said that it was his first Adoration experience, too.) PRAISE GOD. I’m so amazed. I’m tellin’ ya, these men and women are amazing. Is this really my job?!

With that said, please keep these students in your prayers; that their desire to seek the Lord may only grow. Great things may have already happened here at ODU, but there’s much more to be done.

As for me outside of my CCM life, in a nutshell, I’ve been really pushing myself to do more - mentally, physically, and spiritually. Read more, write more, cook more, explore the area more, walk/jog more, pray more, and love more. The more the merrier. :)

In Christ’s joy,
Fatima

“Sinfulness” has been on my mind all week (along with the readings for the 2nd Sunday of Advent). Now that we’ve entered into the Advent season, we are asked to reflect on our sinfulness, to repent, and to prepare our hearts for the coming of our Messiah. Tonight, the Lord used Fr. Jack Peterson as a perfect instrument, as he spoke to the students about forgiveness/the Sacrament of Reconciliation. One thing that resonated in my heart was this: “When sin increases, grace is abounded all the more” (Romans 5:20). My goodness!  See how much He loves us despite our sinfulness, and how willingly He so desires to forgive us?

Just a moment ago I finished Night Prayer. Tears of joy ran down my cheeks as I read Psalm 16:

Preserve me, God, I take refuge in you.
I say to the Lord: “You are my God.
My happiness lies in you alone.”

He has put into my heart a marvelous love
for the faithful ones who dwell in his land.
Those who choose other gods increase their sorrows.
Never will I offer their offerings of blood.
Never will I take their name upon my lips.

O Lord, it is you who are my portion and cup;
it is you yourself who are my prize.
The lot marked out for me is my delight:
welcome indeed the heritage that falls to me!

I will bless the Lord who gives me counsel,
who even at night directs my heart.
I keep the Lord ever in my sight:
since he is at my right hand, I shall stand firm.

And so my heart rejoices, my soul is glad;
even my body shall rest in safety.
For you will not leave my soul among the dead,
nor let your beloved know decay.

You will show me the path of life,
the fullness of joy in your presence,
at your right hand happiness for ever.

The Sacrament of Reconciliation is so beautiful. When we humble ourselves before our Lord, trust in His mercy, are honest about our sins, and have the desire/decide to be better, then we will experience the fullness of joy…without fail. Every time a student came back downstairs after going to Confession, the joy that was emanated made my heart rejoice, and my soul glad. That’s how joyful they were. That’s how joyful we all can be.

To my readers, whoever you are, know that I’m praying for you and your heart. May your Advent season be filled with joyful hope for the coming of our Messiah, and may you be open to this beautiful grace-filled Sacrament. His love is so real.

Peace,
Fatima

The entire message about God’s coming, about the Day of Salvation, about redemption drawing near, will be merely divine game-playing or sentimental lyricism unless it is grounded upon two clear findings of fact.

The first finding: insight into, and alarm over, the powerlessness and futility of human life in relation to its ultimate meaning and fulfillment. That powerless and futility are both boundaries of our existence and are also consequences of sin. At the same time we are keenly aware that life does have an ultimate meaning and fulfillment.

The second finding: the promise of God to be on our side, to come to meet us. God resolved to raise the boundaries of our existence and to overcome the consequences of sin.

However, as a result, the basic condition of life always has an Advent dimension: boundaries, and hunger, and thirst, and lack of fulfillment, and promise, and movement toward one another. That means, however, that we basically remain without shelter, under way, and open until the final encounter, with all the humble blessedness and painful pleasure of this openness.

Therefore there is no interim finality, and the attempt to create final conclusions is an old temptation of mankind. Hunger and thirst, and desert journeying, and the survival teamwork of mountaineers on a rope – these are the truth of our human condition. The promises given to this truth though, and we can and should rely upon them. The truth will make you free (John 8:32).

The truth is the essential theme of life. Everything else is only expression, result, application, consequence, testing, and practice. May God help us to wake up to ourselves and in doing so, to move from ourselves toward Him.”

Father Alfred Delp, S.J.

I can’t believe how incredibly fast time is flying by. It’s already Thanksgiving week and as soon as we know it, Christmas will be right around the corner. It has been four months since I dove right into this journey and there has been, without a doubt, a multitude of blessings, and struggles. If you’ve been keeping up with me (via email, Facebook, Twitter), you’re aware of the many blessings the Lord has poured on me, but there were many times where I struggled and was tested by the Lord. There were phases where I would question my year of service at ODU and my ability to minister to students, spiritually and musically. Yet, in the thick of it, messages of hope and trust soon followed, and I would be reminded that God doesn’t call the equipped – He equips the called.

As the wonderful season of Advent approaches, we call upon the Lord to come and we are called to prepare ourselves for His coming. Whether or not we call or prepare ourselves, He’ll come. We can choose to dwell on our misfortunes, doubts, and fears or we can choose to move forward in hope.  We can choose to live a life swayed by the temporary happiness the world will give or we can trust in His Will that will provide eternal happiness, [if not on earth than] in Heaven. Hope in His mercy. Hope for forgiveness and new life. If we allow the Lord to steer, He will equip. But regardless of what we choose, He’ll come. And that truth gives me great peace. <cue  ”O Come, O Come, Emmanuel”>

Now, a few updates:

1. I finally met with my spiritual director this past Wednesday. I’ve been seeking one since September, and man, the process was difficult. After about three rescheduled meeting times (I was about to give up), we finally met and we both thought it went well. We’ll see how the next few months go!

2. One thing that has been heavily on my heart (but really, one thing God has been constantly teaching me) is loving those who are difficult to love. I’ve been challenged and humiliated a few times, but there’s no need to get into that. The lesson here: humility and love. (Prayers please!)

3. What else is on my heart? My Vocation and vocation. I’m almost midway through this year of service, finished with college, and I don’t go a day without contemplating on what’s to come. I don’t necessarily think about the future by trying to envision what I would like to happen. It’s more of meditating on what and where God may be leading me to based on what’s He has been revealing to me up to this point. Hope that makes sense.

4. God continues to bless CCM abundantly as the days go by! We had about 50 people who came out to brave the cold for our Praise and Worship Night at the Beach, our weekly Soul Food events and daily Mass attendances have been rock-solid, and there are still new students that drop by the CCM House just to go to the Chapel to pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Yep, He never ceases to amaze me.

All in all, I expect great things. I’m also looking forward to this Sunday when the new Liturgical year begins! :)

Praying for you,
Fatima

You alone are my strength, my shield;
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart’s desire
And I long to worship Thee

You’re my friend and You are my brother
Even though You are a King
I love You more than any other,
So much more than anything

You alone are my strength, my shield;
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart’s desire
And I long to worship Thee

I want You more than gold or silver
Only You can satisfy
You alone are the real joy-giver
And the apple of my eye

You alone are my strength, my shield;
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart’s desire
And I long to worship Thee

To become saints means to fulfill completely what we already are, raised to the dignity of God’s adopted children in Christ Jesus… The saints bring to light in creative fashion quite new human potentialities.. The saints are themselves the living spaces into which one can turn… There is no isolation in heaven. It is the open society of the saints and, consequently, also the fulfillment of all human togetherness… One might say that the saints are, so to speak, new Christian constellations, in which the richness of God’s goodness is reflected. Their light, coming from God, enables us to know better the interior richness of God’s great light… Nothing can bring us into a close contact with the beauty of Christ himself other than the world of beauty created by faith and light that shines out from the faces of the saints, through whom his own light becomes visible.

– Pope Benedict XVI

All you holy saints of God, pray for us!

Since the start of the semester, we would have our weekly and brief, casual chats, but I didn’t really know much about her life. One week she mentioned to someone how she currently isn’t Catholic but strongly desires to be. Overhearing that comment left me no choice but to listen in on the conversation and pose the question “what’s your story?” later on when the opportunity presented itself. Once the opportunity arose, she told me about her life in a nutshell and her journey in faith up to this point in time.

During that same conversation after the discussion on Mary, she proposed that she give a talk and lead a discussion on common misconceptions about the Catholic Church. She was raised Protestant. Her mother was Catholic but left the Church, and her mother frequently spoke ill about it. This left her with several misconceptions. Earlier she even asked about Marian devotions and how to learn more about Mary since she knew nothing about her. After hearing all of this all I could do was smile and think, “Wow… that’s an amazing idea, Lord.”

This past Thursday evening, she shared with a packed room of students the top five misconceptions she grew up believing in – misconceptions that were ingrained in her. And here she is now, a senior in college, an AROTC cadet, and Catholic-to-be (God-willing, of course)! After a rough few years of soul-searching in the dark, the Truth led her to where she is at this moment. Her constant seeking for Truth and hunger to learn about the Catholic Church inspire me.

What a blessing she is in my life! And what a blessing she is to the rest of the students in CCM. This Wednesday we’re having lunch together then praying the Rosary afterward. (I’m so excited!!!) She has a special army Rosary and asked if I could teach her how to pray with it. Ah! It’s fills me with great joy to witness all that God is planting in her heart. How crazy. How beautiful.

If you’d like to pray for her, Emerald is her name. :)

Most of them shared their experience of walking the Camino de Santiago, or the Way of St. James. It’s a long and very difficult route, covering about 800 km of the northwestern coast of Spain. My friends and mentors were privileged to walk a part of it and shared similar experiences that afternoon. Some mentioned that they kept silent throughout the walk. Some prayed together. Of all responses, the one that stuck out to me the most was something along the lines of “walking the Camino brought me to the realization that it wasn’t just about carrying each other’s cross, but carrying our crosses together.” We all face our own personal battles and deal through our own problems. Sometimes there is nothing you could do to help another person. But despite not knowing what another was going through, they walked together, encouraging one another to keep going despite the difficulty of the journey.

Through this, I was reminded of the beautiful truth of what the Church is…of what we are. Because we are the body of Christ, we carry our crosses together. This Way of life allows us to not only bring those sufferings to God, but to be that source of comfort and strength to others to stay the course on that journey to our Destination. Yes, “life is too big to walk it alone.”