A Blessing In The Wound

This week was among the toughest of weeks for me, spiritually and mentally. Within the past month, I found myself at peace with the order in which my life was going. I had a pretty clear idea (and a hunch) of what God had in store for me…at least, I did. He evidently had other plans that I did not see coming, and on a bigger scale than I initially anticipated. These things left me very confused and hurt. Thoughts of inadequacy began to surface and communicating with God seemed too difficult.

But, the week eventually got better, just like it always does. Each time I tried to pull away from God because of hurt due to my lack of wholly surrendering my life to His divine will, the more evident His goodness prevailed later. Despite the hurt I deeply felt, I experienced (and continue to experience) God pursuing me like never before. Cue “Wherever You Go”.

I know it’ll take time until I fully detox my mind from my on and off bouts of pessimistic thinking, but the greatest blessing through all of this is having wonderful people to talk to, to keep my heart focused and guarded, and to remember God has something better for me. Excitement for what God will reveal next (now that I don’t have the slightest idea of what that may be) lies deep, deep down inside. I’m working on bringing that to the surface.

“But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” – James 1:4

“Patience is more than endurance. A saint’s life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains, and every now and again the saint says — ‘I cannot stand any more.’ God does not heed, He goes on stretching till His purpose is in sight, then He lets fly. Trust yourself in God’s hands. Maintain your relationship with Jesus Christ by the patience of faith. ‘Though He slay me, yet I will wait for Him.’” – Oswald Chambers

And that leads me to my next thought process…

Every time this 13th day of May rolls around, I can’t help but think, “Yay, my name feast day!”  My mind also refers back to the few days I spent in Fatima, Portugal on pilgrimage last year. I just read over what I wrote in the journal I used at that time to try to help me recall different things. And of course, I get reminders like these:

I really had no idea what to expect or what God had in store for me here. Though I my not know (yet) where the Lord is calling me to, I still have peace in my heart and an ever-growing childlike faith/trust in His plans. The three shepherd children (Lucia, Jacinta, and Francisco) helped me in so many ways already, with that trust, and it’s amazing how quickly the Lord works! I’ve been praying harder for this childlike faith through the intercessions of the three children and I’m beginning to see the fruit produced from such prayers. These children… they’re so young. Yet, so faithful. So trusting in our God.

He loves me and knows me incredibly well. He knows what may be weighing on my heart, my hopes, my dreams, my desires. He knows my every step and every decision. He knows everything and more. He also wants what is best for me. This includes giving Him the pen. If He knows me better than I know myself, why do I give Him a hard time trusting Him?

It’s time I break habits of old and give the Lord the pen without trying to be an editor. I must decide to take a step back and let Him do what He does best.

Now, how do I go about in this? The Blessed Mother reiterated it every single day here and as far as I can remember from my childhood – praying.

God is so good.

Lastly, my little heart can’t help but smile at how Mother’s Day this year falls on the Feast of Our Lady of Fatima, a very special day to me. It’s such a great reminder of how incredibly blessed I am to have been given by the Lord such an extraordinary mother here on this earth and the Blessed Mother in Heaven.

Mom, I remember you praying with me in Fatima: “Mama, take care of us.” I’m so certain that she is/will. Thank you for always bringing me closer and closer to the Lord through our Mama. I love you and am very grateful for you.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there. You are so loved and treasured. What a gift you are to this world!

Love,
Fatima

The Kingdom Awaits You

Something strange is happening – there is a great silence on earth today, a great silence and stillness. The whole earth keeps silence because the King is asleep. The earth trembled and is still because God has fallen asleep in the flesh and he has raised up all who have slept ever since the world began. God has died in the flesh and hell trembles with fear.

He has gone to search for our first parent, as for a lost sheep. Greatly desiring to visit those who live in darkness and in the shadow of death, he has gone to free from sorrow the captives Adam and Eve, he who is both God and the son of Eve. The Lord approached them bearing the cross, the weapon that had won him the victory. At the sight of him Adam, the first man he had created, struck his breast in terror and cried out to everyone: “My Lord be with you all”. Christ answered him: “And with your spirit”. He took him by the hand and raised him up, saying: “Awake, O sleeper, and rise from the dead, and Christ will give you light”.

I am your God, who for your sake have become your son. Out of love for you and for your descendants I now by my own authority command all who are held in bondage to come forth, all who are in darkness to be enlightened, all who are sleeping to arise. I order you, O sleeper, to awake. I did not create you to be held a prisoner in hell. Rise from the dead, for I am the life of the dead. Rise up, work of my hands, you who were created in my image. Rise, let us leave this place, for you are in me and I am in you; together we form only one person and we cannot be separated.

For your sake I, your God, became your son; I, the Lord, took the form of a slave; I, whose home is above the heavens, descended to the earth and beneath the earth. For your sake, for the sake of man, I became like a man without help, free among the dead. For the sake of you, who left a garden, I was betrayed to the Jews in a garden, and I was crucified in a garden.

See on my face the spittle I received in order to restore to you the life I once breathed into you. See there the marks of the blows I received in order to refashion your warped nature in my image. On my back see the marks of the scourging I endured to remove the burden of sin that weighs upon your back. See my hands, nailed firmly to a tree, for you who once wickedly stretched out your hand to a tree.

I slept on the cross and a sword pierced my side for you who slept in paradise and brought forth Eve from your side. My side has healed the pain in yours. My sleep will rouse you from your sleep in hell. The sword that pierced me has sheathed the sword that was turned against you.

Rise, let us leave this place. The enemy led you out of the earthly paradise. I will not restore you to that paradise, but I will enthrone you in heaven. I forbade you the tree that was only a symbol of life, but see, I who am life itself am now one with you. I appointed cherubim to guard you as slaves are guarded, but now I make them worship you as God. The throne formed by cherubim awaits you, its bearers swift and eager.

The bridal chamber is adorned, the banquet is ready, the eternal dwelling places are prepared, the treasure houses of all good things lie open. The kingdom of heaven has been prepared for you from all eternity.

- Reading 13: The Lord Descends into Hell, ancient homily on Holy Saturday

***

I had the privilege of sharing this ancient homily with the student team during our meeting this past Monday, and felt strongly about posting this here. The limitless love and mercy of our God is……. WOW. I don’t even know what to say but “wow.”

No matter who you are, where you’re from, or what your journey has been like, God’s greatest desire is to be with you. It has always been His desire, and it will always be. Will you respond?

Awake, O sleeper, arise from slumber! Christ is calling your name!

The Kingdom of Heaven awaits you.

Real Love

On the way home from work tonight, all I could think about was God’s goodness in my life, and how He blesses me so incredibly much – more than I could ever ask for – even in my unworthiness. That’s real love, my dear friends.

“Sinfulness” has been on my mind all week (along with the readings for the 2nd Sunday of Advent). Now that we’ve entered into the Advent season, we are asked to reflect on our sinfulness, to repent, and to prepare our hearts for the coming of our Messiah. Tonight, the Lord used Fr. Jack Peterson as a perfect instrument, as he spoke to the students about forgiveness/the Sacrament of Reconciliation. One thing that resonated in my heart was this: “When sin increases, grace is abounded all the more” (Romans 5:20). My goodness!  See how much He loves us despite our sinfulness, and how willingly He so desires to forgive us?

Just a moment ago I finished Night Prayer. Tears of joy ran down my cheeks as I read Psalm 16:

Preserve me, God, I take refuge in you.
I say to the Lord: “You are my God.
My happiness lies in you alone.”

He has put into my heart a marvelous love
for the faithful ones who dwell in his land.
Those who choose other gods increase their sorrows.
Never will I offer their offerings of blood.
Never will I take their name upon my lips.

O Lord, it is you who are my portion and cup;
it is you yourself who are my prize.
The lot marked out for me is my delight:
welcome indeed the heritage that falls to me!

I will bless the Lord who gives me counsel,
who even at night directs my heart.
I keep the Lord ever in my sight:
since he is at my right hand, I shall stand firm.

And so my heart rejoices, my soul is glad;
even my body shall rest in safety.
For you will not leave my soul among the dead,
nor let your beloved know decay.

You will show me the path of life,
the fullness of joy in your presence,
at your right hand happiness for ever.

The Sacrament of Reconciliation is so beautiful. When we humble ourselves before our Lord, trust in His mercy, are honest about our sins, and have the desire/decide to be better, then we will experience the fullness of joy…without fail. Every time a student came back downstairs after going to Confession, the joy that was emanated made my heart rejoice, and my soul glad. That’s how joyful they were. That’s how joyful we all can be.

To my readers, whoever you are, know that I’m praying for you and your heart. May your Advent season be filled with joyful hope for the coming of our Messiah, and may you be open to this beautiful grace-filled Sacrament. His love is so real.

Peace,
Fatima

Waking Up to Ourselves

“The deepest meaning of Advent cannot be understood by anyone who has not first experienced being terrified unto death about himself and his human prospects and likewise what is revealed within himself about the situation and the constitution of mankind in general.

The entire message about God’s coming, about the Day of Salvation, about redemption drawing near, will be merely divine game-playing or sentimental lyricism unless it is grounded upon two clear findings of fact.

The first finding: insight into, and alarm over, the powerlessness and futility of human life in relation to its ultimate meaning and fulfillment. That powerless and futility are both boundaries of our existence and are also consequences of sin. At the same time we are keenly aware that life does have an ultimate meaning and fulfillment.

The second finding: the promise of God to be on our side, to come to meet us. God resolved to raise the boundaries of our existence and to overcome the consequences of sin.

However, as a result, the basic condition of life always has an Advent dimension: boundaries, and hunger, and thirst, and lack of fulfillment, and promise, and movement toward one another. That means, however, that we basically remain without shelter, under way, and open until the final encounter, with all the humble blessedness and painful pleasure of this openness.

Therefore there is no interim finality, and the attempt to create final conclusions is an old temptation of mankind. Hunger and thirst, and desert journeying, and the survival teamwork of mountaineers on a rope – these are the truth of our human condition. The promises given to this truth though, and we can and should rely upon them. The truth will make you free (John 8:32).

The truth is the essential theme of life. Everything else is only expression, result, application, consequence, testing, and practice. May God help us to wake up to ourselves and in doing so, to move from ourselves toward Him.”

Father Alfred Delp, S.J.

Solemnity of All Saints

To become saints means to fulfill completely what we already are, raised to the dignity of God’s adopted children in Christ Jesus… The saints bring to light in creative fashion quite new human potentialities.. The saints are themselves the living spaces into which one can turn… There is no isolation in heaven. It is the open society of the saints and, consequently, also the fulfillment of all human togetherness… One might say that the saints are, so to speak, new Christian constellations, in which the richness of God’s goodness is reflected. Their light, coming from God, enables us to know better the interior richness of God’s great light… Nothing can bring us into a close contact with the beauty of Christ himself other than the world of beauty created by faith and light that shines out from the faces of the saints, through whom his own light becomes visible.

– Pope Benedict XVI

All you holy saints of God, pray for us!